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yohoe55 Profile
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Registered: 12-2005
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I Owe My Mother


 
 emoticon
 


1.. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA ..
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16.. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23.. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

 

 25.. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you !"
 

 

 

 

 




Jul/26/2010, 7:55 am Link to this post Email yohoe55   PM yohoe55
 
JEVPhoenixBass Profile
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Registered: 04-2010
Location: SW Missouri
Posts: 813
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Re: I Owe My Mother


How true!

---
Pro Staff: Phoenix Bass Boats, Humminbird, MinnKota, Navionics, Luck-E-Strike, Ardent USA, StayNCharge, Grandt Rods, BassWishes Tackle.
Jul/26/2010, 8:04 am Link to this post Email JEVPhoenixBass   PM JEVPhoenixBass
 
Bullet20dc Profile
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Registered: 09-2004
Posts: 946
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Re: I Owe My Mother


Man I remember my Mother saying every one of them at one time or another
funny stuff

---
Charlie B
Bullet20dc / 250XS
Politically correct impaired

Jul/26/2010, 4:08 pm Link to this post Email Bullet20dc   PM Bullet20dc
 
NITROZ9 Profile
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Re: I Owe My Mother


He!!, I'm 37 years old and my mother is still saying some of it emoticon emoticon HEHEHE

---

Jul/26/2010, 5:01 pm Link to this post Email NITROZ9   PM NITROZ9
 
bonsaibp Profile
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Re: I Owe My Mother


I pretty much heard them all myself. And have said a few to various neices and nephews!!

---
bonsaibp
I AM NOT SAYING THERE SHOULD BE CAPITAL PUNISHMENT FOR STUPIDITY,
BUT, WHY DON'T WE JUST TAKE THE SAFETY LABELS OFF OF EVERYTHING
AND LET THE PROBLEM SOLVE ITSELF?"
blkdog812
Jul/26/2010, 5:44 pm Link to this post Email bonsaibp   PM bonsaibp
 
1Nightmare Profile
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Re: I Owe My Mother


Familiar with the bulk of them.

One, I don't see: "This is going to hurt me more than it is,you"

I personally changed that little historical ditty, to:

"If this hurts me more than it does you, then I'm doing it wrong!"

 emoticon emoticon

---
Good things comin' outta Crap!


Jul/26/2010, 5:59 pm Link to this post Email 1Nightmare   PM 1Nightmare
 
southernbassguy Profile
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Re: I Owe My Mother


LOL@ Nightmare!

And folks wonder why me and Bamma don't have kids?!! Payback would be a B!OTCH!
Jul/26/2010, 6:59 pm Link to this post Email southernbassguy   PM southernbassguy
 
JEVPhoenixBass Profile
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Re: I Owe My Mother


Nitey.....

Knowing what you do for a living....... emoticon

---
Pro Staff: Phoenix Bass Boats, Humminbird, MinnKota, Navionics, Luck-E-Strike, Ardent USA, StayNCharge, Grandt Rods, BassWishes Tackle.
Jul/26/2010, 9:44 pm Link to this post Email JEVPhoenixBass   PM JEVPhoenixBass
 
1Nightmare Profile
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Re: I Owe My Mother


quote:

JEVPhoenixBass wrote:

Nitey.....

Knowing what you do for a living....... emoticon



Yeah. Got home Friday afternoon from 2 weeks vacation..Went to work at 11p and in the first hour, used up 1 of those weeks worth of r&r on some 18 year old that musta took the trifecta of obnoxious substances. Me, another dep 1/2 again as big (picture that!) and a third about 50# less all on 1 100# knothead that was lifting us ALL off the ground......It was definitely hurting him more than us....problem was he didn't know it.

At the hospital, mommy couldn't figure why he looked the way he did....I thought "If'n ya seen the divit in the ground where we'us wrestlin' wit him, you'd understand".

Mommy shoulda used more a dem dere platitudes on Jr 'fore he turned 18, me thinks. emoticon emoticon emoticon

All I can add is it took me 1.5 hours to disinfect my back seat of his "body fluids". emoticon

Last edited by 1Nightmare, Jul/26/2010, 10:04 pm


---
Good things comin' outta Crap!


Jul/26/2010, 10:01 pm Link to this post Email 1Nightmare   PM 1Nightmare
 
NITROZ9 Profile
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Re: I Owe My Mother


quote:

1Nightmare wrote:

quote:

JEVPhoenixBass wrote:

Nitey.....

Knowing what you do for a living....... emoticon



Yeah. Got home Friday afternoon from 2 weeks vacation..Went to work at 11p and in the first hour, used up 1 of those weeks worth of r&r on some 18 year old that musta took the trifecta of obnoxious substances. Me, another dep 1/2 again as big (picture that!) and a third about 50# less all on 1 100# knothead that was lifting us ALL off the ground......It was definitely hurting him more than us....problem was he didn't know it.

At the hospital, mommy couldn't figure why he looked the way he did....I thought "If'n ya seen the divit in the ground where we'us wrestlin' wit him, you'd understand".

Mommy shoulda used more a dem dere platitudes on Jr 'fore he turned 18, me thinks. emoticon emoticon emoticon

All I can add is it took me 1.5 hours to disinfect my back seat of his "body fluids". emoticon



HAHA!! HE musta been on that Superman juice.



---

Jul/27/2010, 6:08 am Link to this post Email NITROZ9   PM NITROZ9
 


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